Understanding Personalisation: Why We See the Same Event Differently

Understanding Personalisation: Why We See the Same Event Differently

Have you ever found yourself in a situation where multiple people experienced the same event, but each person's retelling of the story seemed similar yet distinctly different? It's like when a friend describes a shared experience and you think, "Wait, it didn't happen like that."

That's personalisation in action. We all personalize things, situations, and feelings uniquely, starting from our childhood conditioning. Let me explain it with a simple story:

Imagine two friends, Jack and Jill, raised in similar environments. Jack's mum always told him that bunnies are cute, good, and gentle. Meanwhile, Jill's mum was afraid of bunnies and taught her that bunnies are mean and terrifying.

One day, Jack and Jill were sitting in the forest when a bunny approached them. Jack got super excited and called it over. When Jill realised what was happening, she picked up a rock and threw it at the innocent bunny to scare it away. Both 'personalised' the situation differently based on their childhood conditioning.

Personalisation depends on various factors, from our upbringing to the situations we face throughout life. It applies to everything that surrounds us—situations, feelings, and people.

We often find ourselves unable to understand another person's point of view or vice versa. This is all because of personalisation. We all see things differently. Many of my clients come to me trying to understand why their relationships fall apart or don't go as they hoped. The first lesson I teach them is that not everyone will think the same way as you do. We all use the resources we have available to us. The second lesson is that while you can't control other people or situations, you can control how you react to them, which can significantly change the outcome.

Your happiness and mental well-being depend on you and you alone. The way you personalize things is your responsibility, and you should strive to do it in the best way possible. When I started my coaching journey, I tried to wipe my entire belief system clean—especially those beliefs that weren't mine but my parents', siblings', or teachers'. Many beliefs were challenged daily, and there were plenty of "I am mind-blown" moments. In coaching, it's essential not to push your beliefs onto people but to give them the tools to tap into their inner wisdom and uncover their universal truths.

It's fair to say that while you can't influence others' actions, you can influence your own. The next time you feel like someone should do something a certain way, ask yourself where that belief is coming from. Just because you think something is the right thing to do doesn't mean others will see it the same way. Their belief system might be entirely different from yours. This analogy can be applied to many aspects of our lives.

We cannot expect others to act or think the same way we do. It's crucial to remember this when communicating with others—to be open and understanding that their personalisation may be completely different from yours. Communication is the response you get, so instead of expecting people to do X, Y, or Z, talk about it and be open to hearing their side too. Your expectations do not have to match someone else's.

With love & light,

Mags